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Saturday, April 2, 2011

=weekend yang dah tak macam dulu lagi=

hri ni..rase kecewa sangat..sebab..?? aku duk umah jer...alahai..sebab tu je nak kecewa kan..? it worst la...!
bukan..bukan..bukan sebab tu..but..we'll suppose to meet up today..but, benda lain lagi penting for him..erm..sebelum ape-ape pun..i not kejam...
dia pagi kena teman ayah dia p hospital..untuk wat check up before operation day in monday...no..no..bukan tu yang aku kecewa...hopefully ayah si dia selamat dan get well soon after operation..and hope the operation will be okey...amin..amin...semoga ayah si dia akan sihat lepas ni..insyallah...
but, bila dia cakap nak kena wat pasptport..nak kena wat tu and wat ni..terasa macam sia-sia je penantian aku selama ni..then dia cakap mula-mula nak jumpa ptg or malam..then maybe if sempat baru dtg..ok..(_*)

dia cakap nak jumpa minggu ni..and aku pun pernah ajak..dia cakap nak makan sama-sama choc yang aku bagi pada dia tu..but...maybe dia lupa benda tu semua kot...
mungkin aku da xde ape-ape makna untuk dia..i suppose should realise from the beginning..huhu

maybe aku lupa juga bila datangnya weekend...ya..bila weekend menjelma...aku pasti keluar bersama dia..tengok wayang..acara makan-makan..shopping and window shopping..lepak-lepak tengok bola..teman aku wat assignment..and lepak sambil online......

semua ni sentiasa bersesak-sesak dalam fikiran aku bila weekend menjelma..teringat-ingat ape yang kami lakukan bersama dulu..mungkin susah sikit tuk aku biasakan diri ini..but..i try..he didn't feel my feeling at all..it only me here to feel this feeling..maybe dia boleh cari hiburan yang lain..pengganti maybe..?
but not me...! mungkin aku tak akan pandang mana-mana lelaki lepas ni..serik..? not really....
buat ape nak serik...?! in my case,bukan dia yang salah..but..keadaan tu sendiri...

but..untuk berkawan dengan mana-mana lelaki..mungkin tidak,,aku tak kan biarkan diri aku jumpa lelaki-lelaki yang tak ikhlas di luar sana tuh...if jodoh antara aku dan dia panjang..alhamdullh...but if not..biar jodoh yang datang kat aku...daripada mencuba dan tersilap langkah..cukup perit tuk aku hadapi semua ni..and mungkin aku belum bersedia lagi..pengalaman ini cukup seksa tuk aku hadapi..

belajar dari pengalaman ! yup..experience is the best teacher in our life..agree that..maybe pengalamam kita tu yang akan buatkan diri kita lebih berharga suatu hari nanti..and semua orang buat silap..cuma kesilapan macam mana yang di lakukan je yang jadi persoalan..seperti kata "setiap masalah ade jalan penyelesaiannya"..kesilapan di ikuti dengan insaf dan bertaubat..and yang paling penting..we learned from our mistakes..its the best thing we should and need to do at all..jangan sekali-kali lagi dekatkan diri dengan environment yang boleh menjerat kita pada kesilapan yang lepas...never..! and i will learned it..maybe i should make the transformation towards myself..? something from negative to positives changes..ok..insyallah..i will..

i will ask myself to do it..

and i also need to adapt myself in this new situation now..no more dating in weekend like the previous time..no more someone that always give me the support when i need it..no more someone that i want to love and love again, and maybe i should keep my love until my destiny is come to me..no more someone that get mad and tell me what should i do and not, no more "someone" that will "merajuk" with me when i ignore him for the whole day.
this "someone" give me a lot of golden experience to myself..


i will never forget this "someone" as a person who brings me the light to the way to be a successful person in the future..i will never forget him even though we is not to be a mate each other..i will never forget this "someone"...

tengs 

to myfam..no more him in my life..the words that i said to you towards this "someone" is no longer at all..the words that makes me a person "yang paling bahagia dalam dunia ni"..is no longer exist...i will care myself..dont worry..just need your bless with my llife..=)

rindu..? biarlah diri ini saja yang tanggung..tiada sapa yang peduli lagi..hope my tears will become stingy to drop down or fall..i will teach myself to..

love..? do you think it's easy for me to ignore this feeling..? and biarlah diri ini juga yang menanggung perasaan ini..who care..? no one..only me..biarlah i keep this "love" myself..deeply in my heart..i will keep this "gift" until i ready to gift to the owner..

just missed my previous time..my old life...just missed it.........i mish u..

mish u so much...


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